a day in the life

in the past i tended to think of the american public as well, generally stupid.
i mean, i've met intelligent americans but for the most part they were the exception and not the rule.
i thought of most people as SUV-driving frat boys in a bar with a 'drill-baby-drill' and 'bomb-the-shit-out-of-those-towel-head-mother-fuckers' mentality.

needless to say i was losing faith in humanity.
when obama was elected, not only was i happy that the candidate i voted for had won, but i was happy that americans as a whole had made such a step forward (and by that i mean more liberal, more open-minded and so on), and thirdly i was happy that we had proved such a thing to the rest of the world.
ever since then i've felt prouder and more connected to my country, instead of just enjoying its benefits.

so tonight, while watching the fireworks, i wasn't just enjoying the bright explosions, but i was enjoying the sense of community i felt.
and looking around, it was a very diverse community - all kinds of ethnicities, financial situations, and social statuses** - but all so happy and proud to be americans enjoying the fireworks with family and friends.
and i think thats what america is all about: diversity. (also freedom)

**in america financial situations and social statuses seem to be one and the same, unless you consider fame or political power as increasing social status. for example hilary clinton may have more social status than bill gates.

my point is that for a moment, i wasn't just with my father, step-mother and neighbor/friend; i was part of a larger gathering that were sporadically shooting off illegal fireworks.
and in the distance we could see and hear other fireworks displays, and our gathering could feel close to that gathering, and around the state and the region there were (i'm assuming) other fireworks displays, all adding to this, now growing, sense of community i was feeling.
i felt connected to americans everywhere.
or at least, in my time zone - as i imagine elsewhere they were still waiting for their displays to start.

we were all celebrating.
and celebrating what?
what were we celebrating?
independence - yes - but what is that?
we're not celebrating our new borders or their new name or our new government.
not really.
we're celebrating us.
we're celebrating our community; our one-ness.
our american-ness.
it's like a gay an american pride day.
and i got that tonight.

e pluribus unum

i guess i've never thought about it before because i was too young, i wasn't proud of our president or i went to a professional fireworks display, whereas this one was an amateur fireworks display with a definite community feel to it.

happy fourth! it's not just an excuse to shoot off fireworks and drink!

i feel very emotionally charged - but in a good way.

i feel a very strong sense of closure; of peace.
i feel like i have gained redemption over a long since fought and lost battle.

but why?

why why why. why, why?

maybe i'm channeling the olympics.
i must be on the same frequency as evan lysacek, sean white, lindsay vonn, and (that chinese couple).

or, you know what? maybe i need to stop watching the biography channel and old "inside the actor's studio"s after midnight.

but god damn.
anthony hopkins is so fascinating.
his father's put-downs and then winning the oscar and him feeling his late father's approval.
he definitely earned it [the oscar].
i loved the exchanges between him and jodie foster in silence of the lambs.
but then again, so did the academy.

if you know me, you know i'm an absolute sucker for a good movie moment.
that over-the-top exaggeration of an emotional crescendo leading up to that line of dialogue.

*i'm ready for my close-up, mister de mille*

what is that called?
ah, i know. 
[see above]

p.s. johnny weir got robbed.

 i tend to turn my ringer off when i go to bed and often forget to turn it back on again when i wake up.
i've done this ever since i'd received calls as early as 6AM from 'unknown number' - some generic recorded telemarketing message which i thought was not done anymore, especially on cell phones.

sometimes i remember to turn it back on, but often i forget.
even when i'm expecting calls i'll carry my phone around with me with the ringer still unwittingly off, missing said expected calls.
i just checked my phone and saw i missed a text invitation.
that is ... er, an invitation ... via text  (as opposed to an invitation to text)
english can be pretty ambiguous sometimes.

anyway, i suggest anyone trying to get ahold of me when you don't get an answer is call my house phone (691-1576).
if that doesn't work, it means my ringer is still off in which case i am legally retarded.

i saw paranormal activity.
the movie.
it was scary.
very scary.
and i'm not usually frightened by scary movies, just like i don't usually laugh at comedies.
anyway, i recommend it.

and if you do go see it, pay attention to the subtleties, like the shadows on the door.

tre bon.

it makes me think it would be fun to fuck with someone.
you know, without getting killed in the process.

it reminds me of the time chris hollar and i were bored and walked to ashleigh's house where we knew her and tara were hanging out alone and we knocked on her doors, scratched her windows, rang her doorbells and we could hear them screaming and running up the stairs.
we stopped when we heard sirens.

in conclusion, happy halloween.

i had a dream kate got married.
but not to michael - some guy named chris waters.
apparently she'd broken up with michael some time ago and started dating this guy whom i'd never met.
everyone at the wedding seemed to already know him, and like him, but i didn't get a chance to make an impression.

the mood of the dream was generally resentful, i felt out-of-the-loop.

the reception - and i should say the 'wedding' was actually the reception - was generally awesome, there were like thousands of people there, live music, banquet tables, open bar, swimming, and so on.
it reminded me of her birthday, except everyone was preoccupied and seemed to have no time for me.

grunt.

i went to soloman's island this weekend.
we went sailing on saturday; good winds; nice day.
on saturday night for the fireworks my dad either wanted to stay at the dock or find a nice hill or go out with another crew that he'd never met.
i convinced him we should go, the three of us, into the river and anchor to watch the fireworks like everyone else with a working boat.
he was apprehensive, still doesn't trust his ability to pilot the boat at night or among all the other boats, even after 13 years of doing it.
up until the last minute he was looking for a way out of it.

but i pressed on, we motored into the river and found a shallow point to anchor.
we waited and waited among hundreds of other boats all anchored like 50 ft apart.
it was like a minefield of anchored boats.
finally it got dark and at 9:30 they started the show, each explosion lighting each boat in the darkness and turning the waves diffrent colors with all the people ooing and awing.
it was beautiful and couldn't have had a better vantage point.

it was fun and a new marine spin on americana.

after it was over every boat either beeped their horn or (as i did) blew their foghorns.
the moon was blocked by some clouds so it was a really dark night, we could hear boat engines and waves and see nav lights fore and aft going by but otherwise it was hard to tell which lights were coming from the shore and which were floating.
so no more boats, just moving red and green navigation lights.
after some fumbling with the anchor we started moving with the pack, all making lefts turns around the nearest marker.
dawn asked what that boat ahead of us that was all lit up was, my dad thought it was a houseboat, i was dubious since it wasn't moving, i looked at our depth-meter and it said 8.6 (if you're in the channel it's deeper) and i told my dad to head off to starboard.

in an effort to avoid the pack he'd veered out of the channel and towards the shore and came within 100ft or so of hitting a shed on the end of a dock extending from the shore (the 'houseboat').
getting back into the harbor we has less trouble and docked perfectly with dawn and my dad breathing a sigh of relief.

i think they enjoyed it but they wont admit it.
they have to be proud of themselves

a thunderstorm??
excellent.
i thought these usually happen mid-afternoon.
well whatever.
bring it on storm-god.
rain-god you're cool too, but only when you hang out with storm-god.

I may be performing with the fairfax city band.
i was sent an email from the fairfax community band's director asking if i could alternate for some percussionists from the city band on vacation, and my partner in the community band, john, (who i basically appointed first chair) will be chaperoning for the high school's spring trip to disneyworld.

if i did play with them, i'd be extremely honored.

i don't care that they're desperate, i'll take it.
and even if they play hot cross buns, i'll still play it proudly.



newt gingrich's wife plays flute in the city band.
you know the one he left his other wife for and lost his reelection and therefore gave up control of his republican empire?
well she plays in it and he's there for every performance.

in 8th grade when i was vice president of the national junior honor society, the director asked if anyone knew any keynote speakers we could get ahold of for the upcoming induction ceremony and i said i could ask newt gingrich the next time i see him.
she laughed.

i was serious.

his (then) girlfriend played in the city band.
(nerd alert - i used to volunteer at the concerts for NJHS civ hours)

I recently had a dream where a bunch of us had been accecpted to the same new pharmacy school in virginia.
so we decided to life off-campus in this big house for-rent. 
it would be like a combined sorority-fraternity house
we'd all be friends be hanging out, some new some old.
i could see it lasting for 3 or 4 years like pharmacy school does but i dont want it to end.
what i needed more than anything was to complete my education and still fee like a twenty-something.

eventually the people become a family.

reminds me of the trip to europe when i was 17.

 i deleted that last entry.
i had taken some ambien and was watching an episode of house? er? idk.
what a dumb idea.
it would have been fun though.